Let’s get two things out of the way first:
One: Nobody should have to worry or be embarrassed about removing cum stains at the point of their pleasure. Stuff happens, after all! Two: Everybody should probably care about removing cum stains at some point.
Read on to learn how to clean those stains and get on with your life!
Contents
What are cum stains made of?
If you put “how to remove cum stains” into Google (and I assume you did because otherwise, you wouldn’t be here), you’ll find page after page about removing semen from anything you could conceivably get it on.
That’s fair to some extent – there’s a whole velocity issue there that means semen stains are probably the most unusual stains you’ll ever deal with, and at close range can be a rather annoying one to have, too.
Semen
What are these types of stains made of?
Mostly, protein. A little fatty acid, a little prostatic fluid to neutralize the acidity of any vagina the semen happens to encounter and give the sperm cells a fighting chance not to die during physical activity. In addition, it also contains a little fructose for cellular nutrition.
The good news about all this is that there’s nothing especially difficult about the make-up of semen stains. Protein, fat, sugar – we deal with the clean-up of those every day, right?
Vaginal transudate
We can guarantee you’ve never called it that, but this is a female sexual lubricant. While it’s far less explosive than semen, with sufficiently extended foreplay or sexual fun, it can still mess up your throw pillows, sheets, or stuffed animals.
The good news is that it’s mostly composed of water with some protein and a few dead epithelial cells. Why is that good news? That’s because since it’s mostly protein, we can deal with the mess relatively easily.
Female ejaculate
When we talk about female ejaculate, we’re not talking about squirting. We will be talking about squirting, and if that’s what you need, scroll on down.
The female ejaculate we’re talking about is the thicker, whitish secretion sometimes released on or around orgasm from the Skene’s glands, located on the front wall of the vagina, either side of the urethra.
Whose glands?
Skene’s. Though notably, not Skene’s. Alexander Skene had no Skene’s glands, being a man, but he’s credited with their discovery in the late 1800s.
They’re regarded as “the female prostate,” because the ejaculate is mostly made up of the same kind of prostatic fluids found in semen, rich in enzymes that give sperm a chance in the potentially hostile vaginal environment.
It’s worth knowing that the amount of female ejaculate produced, when it’s produced at all, varies wildly. A 2013 study showed fluctuations between 0.3 milliliters and 150 milliliters.
That’s more than half a cupful, and, according to the World Health Organization, significantly more liquid per ejaculation than probably every man on the planet can deliver. The average amount of liquid per male ejaculation is 3.7 milliliters, with even the heavier hitters producing around 6.8 milliliters.
150… milliliters. We’re just saying, Captain Mightyspurt.
In cleaning terms, enzymes give us more trouble than proteins, but a simple bio-detergent should see them off. Finally, let’s turn to porn’s new big finish…
Squirting
For a while, researchers were unsure what squirting was. And the data was obscured by porn, in which squirting was both overemphasized and over-dramatized.
The evidence now seems to support the idea that what is released when women squirt is mostly diluted urine. There’s very likely some female ejaculate in the mix there when it happens naturally, but the gushing squirts of porn? Probably all urine, for reliability’s sake.
Want to know the good news? Urine’s easy too – it will respond to protein-cleaners, bio-detergents, and urine-specific spot cleaners, so we may well have an easy cleaning solution for even some of the largest cases if you need one.
Cleaning up cum stains
While they may vary in terms of their additional ingredients then, most cum stains are mostly protein. The point of which is that while they’re all subtly different, anything that works on semen is probably a good bet on other cum stains too.
That needs a note of caution. There are some things that might work on most cum stains, but which should be avoided altogether with semen.
Like spot treatment with hot water. Hot water on a highly protein-based stain like semen could well reconstitute the semen, which could a) turn it viscous and slimy again, and b) essentially ‘boil’ the stain into the fabric, at which point it’s probably there to stay.
The same is true of bleach. Bleach a high-protein cum stain and the likelihood is that you won’t get rid of it. You’ll turn it yellow. “Yay! A neon-yellow cum stain!” Said no one. Ever.
So what are the right ways to get rid of cum stains?
Washable clothes, bedsheets, and comforters
Speed is often of the essence with stains – though an immediate “Get up, you’re oozing into the sheets as we speak” tends to break all but the most passionate spell.
Leave it till it’s convenient, then put sheets, underwear, or that cheerleader outfit (whoever was wearing it) in the wash, using a biological detergent, rather than a bleach-based one. Go with a lower temperature if possible, because again, coagulation and yellow stains are not great looks.
The bio-detergent will break up the protein strands, and also make short work of any lingering enzymes. Your clothes, sheets, and material fetishwear should be good as new.
NB – material fetishwear. With leather, rubber, or vinyl, your best course is to let the stain dry, brush off the excess, and buff out the rest.
Crusty cum stains on your washable fabrics? Likewise, use a soft brush to remove the surface crust, pre-soak in an enzyme-rich agent, then launder as normal with a bio-detergent.
Silks, satins, and wools
You should be able to launder these on your normal Delicates setting, but give them a pre-soak in a detergent for Delicates first.
Carpet people
Again with carpets, there’s the best solution, and then there’s the realistic solution. In an ideal world, your cum would barely be seeping into the fibers when you’d be attacking it with a solution of cool water and detergent, then repeating with plain water to get rid of the detergent, and paper toweling the stained area to suck up the moisture.
In reality, unless you like short, disappointing dates, you’re going to leave it there, probably until the next day, when the stain has crusted. Use a soft brush to loosen the crust, and then do the whole cool water, detergent, paper towel thing.
Mattresses
Cum stain soaked through to the mattress? Use a damp sponge to moisten the stain (cold water, remember?), then spot clean with an upholstery stain remover. Sponge with water to remove detergent, while not over-wetting the mattress. Paper towel dry, then leave to air dry completely before remaking the bed.
Love Seats
Check your manufacturer’s cleaning instructions if you’ve been getting busy on the couch, but generally, blot with cold water, then use an upholstery stain remover (Testing on a small, inconspicuous area first).
Crusty cum stain on the couch? Use a soft brush as a first step, then go the cold water, stain remover route.
Additional info to consider
Being intimate is a part of life. Likewise, messes and stains happen – it’s normal and it’s ok. However, to help prevent having to deal with it you may want to consider a few things:
- Using throw-away linens or blankets
- Using a fabric stain prevention spray: these can help prevent stains from setting so it’s much easier to clean up
